Empowerment (of the Self)
There are those who are total devotees of the technique called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or C.B.T. I myself do not subscribe to it in total, however from what I know of it, there are some things in this technique which have some merit. I will not discuss it here as I’m no expert on the subject; I just raise it as it may correspond to some thinking I have on the subject of self-empowerment.
The audition that I mentioned in a previous entry went the way of many auditions … i.e. I didn’t get the part. I was quite disappointed as I always am in such circumstances, but I know that this is the business I have chosen and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I must take the good with the not-so-good.
But there were some very positive things that came out of it. I met a Director, he’s seen me now and I was very pleased with the work I performed that day. These three things wouldn’t have happened had I not auditioned. Read more
Dialogue
I had a wonderful audition yesterday. It was fun, I knew my lines, I worked with an Actor I’d worked with before, and I think I gave the director a good look at me. I was happy with my work.
After my very first audition, I developed a practice of asking myself how I went. If I felt that I’d done the best I could, that I couldn’t have done better, then I would not have to worry if I won the role – my job for that time was done. If I did win the role, that was a bonus. If I didn’t get the role, by the fact of knowing that I’d given my all, I felt ok and didn’t feel personally affected. If, on the other hand, I felt that I could have done better, I’d try and correct these faults or errors or what ever it was, and do better next time. I’ve approached every audition the same since, and I’ve always enjoyed the audition process.
Pretty good, I reckon. And a lot less stressful. No use having “kittens” when the decision is out of your hands, right? It is good for the Actor to have a dialogue with oneself. Read more
Collective
When you feel like no one can hear you,
When nothing around you makes sense.
When there’s no going forward or backward,
Or no sitting up on the fence.
When you’re waiting for someone to move,
When you’re sure no one knows or cares,
When you never get to finish a sentence, Read more
Brush Up Your Shakespeare
You know when there seems to be nothing happening in your life, no work and nothing on the horizon? Well, today was one of those “when it rains, it pours” kind of days.
A while ago I was reading a book about how to have a successful life by one of those new age guru blokes. There was a chapter that intrigued me. It was about contacting people to help you to achieve the things in life that you want. It went on to say that people who are successful know how to get the right help from people who have a particular expertise in areas you may not have experience in.
Now as you already know, I love Acting, but you may not know that I haven’t been on stage in quite a long time. There’s a play coming up that I’d love to be a part of and I contacted the people involved and got myself an audition. Then the nerves set in. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to do it. Perhaps I’m no good anymore. All the self-doubt self-talk went rampant between my ears. Read more
All’s Well That Ends Well
I’ve felt quite isolated. Ever since I was a kid. And I feel it now, today. It sometimes surprises me to recognize the feelings today as the same I felt when I was 10. I know now what I didn’t know then. That I can get support from others. But I have learnt that some people are very… miserable. I’ve learned that those closest to you are not always the ones who’ll give you $4 for a cup of coffee; or half a loaf of bread so you can eat something; or they’ll remember the coffee they bought you in June 2006 and raise it in 2009 as a service rendered. In short, that there are friends who, it turns out, are nothing but acquaintances. Fair-weather friends.
And then there are people who are generous. These people you may not know as well as others who’ve let you down. They may be strangers.
Zero to 100
The hit comes. Then the cough, the shudder. It comes to life. It calms down, levels off. The needle now at 6. It’s idling. I listen to it’s breath, wait for rhythm. There’s something wrong. Not running right. What could it be? Is it too cold? I wait. The same. It won’t settle. Wait. Does it not have time? Let it happen. All good things come to those who… .
Too cold. Impatient, but… . Not satisfied. Maybe I’ve waited too long. One step at a time. Yes, that’s it. Crawl, then walk, then run.
It’s stopped. It’s been a while. The stillness. Vibration, silence. Silence.
100 is a long way off, so I won’t look. I’d be happy with 10. Well, 30 anyway. Incomprehensibly, I touch the side; run my hand down along the side. Feel. Touch. Rough. Cold.
Safe? Oh my God. Has it come to this. Too safe? I have to hit 100. How can I do that? I’m unsure and not at all well. I stall.
I’m not sure of anything anymore.
‘Read Racine,’ she said. – Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence
Xroads.
One of my all-time inspirations is the Blues legend, Robert Johnson. His songs are just so thick with strength and his Delta Blues sound really hits me where my blood pumps. I mention him here because I feel right now as if I’m staring at a crossroads, and I thought of his song, Cross Road Blues.
This is something I’m positive must be a common thing for those in the field of Performing Arts. Because of money pressures, social pressures, gastronomic pressures, and the common garden-variety self-doubt, I can get quite downcast about the lack of work out there for the Actor. And the temptations to abandon this beautiful life is like the guy who’s been gold prospecting for years with a few tiny scraps to show for it and hearing of people he’s known who’ve “struck it rich”. And you hit the crossroads and stop and stare. Read more
Yelling
It’s kind of weird when we yell. Have you ever met people who yell when there’s no need? I know this bloke. When he talks he’ll speak calm and relaxed, but if he relates a story about something that upset him, maybe weeks ago, he’ll wind himself up and in the end be as angry as he was when the incident first occurred, like it’s happening right NOW. He yells the story to you. There’s no control, in public it’s a little disconcerting. He turns into George Costanza’s dad. And then you have to say “shhh…”.
I don’t yell as much as I used to. Perhaps it’s a thing we do when we’re younger … or when we’re driving. I’m not married and I don’t have kids … so there’s no opportunity there. Maybe not yelling is linked to the rise in Depression. Maybe if we let rip every now and then, we’d feel better about ourselves. Come to think of it, I don’t think so. When I’ve yelled in the past I’ve always felt crumby afterwards.
I know people yell at the football, but that’s called “barracking” or “coaching”. It’s allowed. Read more
Xenophobia (part 1)
A strong dislike of foreigners. Well, I reckon that won’t get you far if you want to be an Actor, at least one that gets work. Yes, we do occasionally have to play someone to which we harbor “a strong dislike”. But really… foreigners? We’re ALL bloody foreigners. I’m foreign to you, you’re foreign to the postman, the shopkeeper, the Queen, a 1940’s Nazi Gestapo Officer. We have to play foreigners. Our whole job is about foreigners. Not always geographic foreigners, but social foreigners, cultural foreigners, psychological foreigners, emotional foreigners.
I came to know a young women a little while ago who I found out later had a certain thing about self-harm. One day I noticed new bandages on her wrists, and because I thought she must have been hurt, I asked what happened. She told me she’d cut herself. On later weeks, I saw new dressings. Read more
Wunderlust
When I was 24 I traveled overseas: to the United Kingdom, Spain, Germany, Italy, Greece, France, the USA, Canada and New Zealand. I’d saved up for 3 years and subsequently didn’t have to work for the year I was away. The small amount of work I did do was purely because I wanted to learn how to do it. I didn’t need to do it.
When I got back, I still felt the desire to travel, and when I was asked to work at a television station in Melbourne, Australia, I took the offer and it wasn’t long before I was studying Acting in that great city.
When I jumped on Malaysian Airlines flight MH024 on April 1, 1987 bound for the UK, I had no idea that I’d be an Actor a year later, but something happened on my travels.
I was awakened. Read more
